Hw # 58

Part 3: Interviews

The person that came into our class to be interviewed was Melissa, and like many other parents they enjoy talking about their kids. She begins by telling us their ages and how she had heard that having a boy first was the best because then they would be equally mature even thought her daughter was younger. When we asked her if she planned on having kids, she answered that she just assumed she would have kids someday. She also no longer wants any more kids because they are a lot of work and " want to raise a well - rounded kid that has strong values. And bringing up in New York will bring world views." In the role of parenting she says her husband is more of the authority over the kids, and a way of discipline is a time - out. Which she finds as a way to " get space when pushing each other's buttons." But she likes to focus more on the rewards than on punishment, and she is "enjoying every growing year with them." As a parent she'd also like to offer different cultural settings than she received, but they can still have their own perspective. We also asked her if she'd ever been judged as a parent, and she said of course, that even her own father tried to tell her how to discipline. " Once become parent, everyone judges you.." One thing she said that I completely agreed with was that "parents should get the ugliness because it means the child is comfortable with their parents."

Many people just assume that they will be parents someday (including me) but not every one, some people don't have the patience or want or are ready for kids in their life, while others its a natural part of life. I also agree shouldn't have so many kids like the famous woman Kate plus 8, why would have so many kids if you don't have the finance or time to raise so many kids? I believe as well because New York is so diverse with so many financial and cultural backgrounds people have that it will provide the child with many different types of perspectives and people, that is if the parent lets them explore them. And no matter what when you become a parent as Melissa mentioned, you will get judged by your own family to your friends, to even strangers. And the statement like I said before that I really like was that parents should get the ugliness of the child, and that shouldn't discourage the parent because it means they are more real and comfortable with them. And just enjoy every year to come:)

Part 4:

This mini - unit definitely made me understand the many ways one can parent, because when you are only exposed to one type of parenting, you think or believe every ones parent is like yours. But their NOT, and many of the things we spoke about parenting I was either astonished about or found myself nodding my head to. It had always occurred to me when I have a baby and it was crying, to run in and comfort it. But then spoke of other parents like Mr. Marx who instead used a method called Ferber method where you teach it to self - soothe. To me at first, i was sorta like why would you teach a 1 month or older baby how to self soothe? But many parenting methods I think should definitely be considered even if they seem a bit different than how you were brought up.

It also gave me get perspective on my own childhood and how my parents brought up my siblings and I. How my mother talked to my grandmother or older women for advice, because they already had children. The way some of my classmates were brought whether single parent or both or guardian gave more of view on how others are brought up as well as the interview of parents and their own methods and thoughts. But at the same time because I am still only a teen I don't completely understand or have the maturity to be able to parent, which is why many young parents struggle to parent. But something I do feel strong about parenting is if you don't have the time, because children need time and full effort from the parent then don't have any children until you do. Many make that mistake and send them off to a daycare while they work, then what was the point of having the child? But in the end the right way of parenting is... there is none, it's all what you believe is right.

Hw # 57

Part 1 -

Every parent parents their kids in their own way, in the way their parents did or didn't and what they believe is best. I believe kids should be given love and care and attention because if you planned on having the child, you want to give all of this to them. But they must also have discipline and be taught respect and be ready to be able to transition out to the "real" world. I am also completely against raising my child in a daycare if you choose to bring child into the world then why would you send off to be taken care of by complete strangers? When I have a child (which I plan to but long while from now) I want to take care of him/her and give full time and effort to raising him/her.

Some of the guiding principle parenting should have are love but at the same time the parent should never be the child's best friend because then they won't be able to make restrictions or rules that the child must learn to fit into society like in the working world. At work there are also rules to follow and time management, you can't walk in an hour late to work because unlike at home where you get a warning, at work you can be automatically be fired. And if they learn these rules at home, they are more able to transition to world place or school.

My parents never had time outs, they would just take away something we enjoyed like playing Xbox or going on the computer or hanging out with friends because they knew this was a much more of a punishment for us than a time out. My home was mostly child - centered, my father worked all day to get us a good education and provide for us while my mother at home watched and cared for us. But I think a balance in a home of both parents and children is better, because both are important and needed in a parent - child relationship. The best part of being parented for me was knowing and feeling assured that no matter what my family will be there for me. Another was the relationship my parents want us between siblings to have is strong and loving because they want us to have someone to be there when they are no longer with us. Another was knowing that my parents did everything for us to have the better life and get a good education, etc. But my parents like many others have been judged and even my siblings and I have been judged as well as if we are just the parent's mistakes or trophy. Many tend to blame the parent to be the one who did something wrong in their parenting that led to kid's failures. But in the end it really isn't the parents fault, the kid is the one who chooses to decide to listen or not.

If I were to parent a child I would definitely look back at how my own mother brought me up, but also like many other parents will try to avoid everything I hated my parents would do when I was a child. But then again when I am an adult, I might view some of these things differently having more life experience. I also wouldn't want to have a child if I can't take care of it or let it get in the way of my future goals like finishing college. Me as a parent I'll probably read a couple of books but also look to my mom, my grandmother and the many other women in my family. Just as my mom did who spoke to her own mother for advice and other older women.

Babies should neither be treated as puppies or adults, they should be treated as babies! They are too young to be treated as an adult and are not a dog, they should be taken care of because they are young and according to many books these are the most important years, for their learning process like their first words, language, etc.

Part 2 -

When I read the first article when parenting theories backfire it made me laugh and recall all the times my little brother would do this because he was given more of choice from his dinner to clothing he would throw a tantrum in the middle of street MOMMY I want a car!!! and continue until my mother caved. Just like the mother in this article did. It also made me think of other methods that have backfired on other parents, probably if one asked every parent they'll tell you of one that backfired on them. But I believe the turn out of the method depends on the child because like in the article the child's outcome and reaction were and are different for each. So depending on the child, parenting methods can work for some and not work for others, because of how each child interprets it. Which is also the reason why siblings are different because of the way they take in and interpret what their parents teach them.

The Ferber method is worth trying, and to see the outcome or how comfortable the parent feels about it. Some might not like it because they recall their own parents doing this and feeling not loved or comforted. But there are those who say this is to prepare them in a less nurturing world so when got into the "real" world it won't be much of a shock. I personally would try it but depending on how I feel about leaving my child alone for five minutes or 2. But at the same time why would I teach it to self - soothe if I'm there to soothe and create loving connection with my own child. As parenting goes, each parent to his/her own...

Hw # 56

1) What are a few ethics your parents have taught you?

Matthew: To be nice, helpful, responsible, work ethics and have good character are few things they would like me to be.

Amber: My parents have taught me a lot of things, they have taught me from wrong to right. They are the ones that helped me become who I am and to think in the right direction keeping my religion and family in mind at all times.

Lizbeth: Religion is important, and so is our cultural background

2) Do your parent's influence your daily decisions? If so...

Matthew: Yes

Amber: Yes, my parents do influence my daily decisions, but I would say that all falls under my religion. My daily decisions are influenced by my parents because we are all influenced by our faith. This is what keeps me in the right path.

Lizbeth: They do sometimes, mainly if it is an important decision and remember when they mentioned consequences or other possibilities that could occur.

3) Which one of your parents influence you the most and why?

Matthew: My mom because I have a better speaking relationship with her and I do try to listen to her for the most part when she isn't annoying me. I think she's such a good person so I let her influence my decisions but I believe in the end it is your own decision.

Amber: I would say both my parents influence me a lot, but if I had to choose one. I would say my mom. I spend a lot of time with her, and I am more comfortable with her compared to my dad. But I am very close to my dad as well, but I guess I am more comparable to a female figure.

Lizbeth: I think both of my parents influence me equally because decision making is done between them both and i consult both of them

4) Do you feel like you are living your life according to your parents views?

Matthew: No I think if i was I'd be in a better place and for the most part I am living my life in my own views. I'd care about school and grades more and be better off. The reason I choose my own views over theirs is maybe there's is a quiet rebel inside of us that would rather do fun things instead of things we should do. I'm also hoping my own views lead me in the right track, because you have to make your own mistakes. How can you pick yourself if you've never fallen, your parents won't always be there. You have to have a bit of self - reliance.

Amber: Yes, I do feel like I am living my life according to my parents views. I have learned much from them and later on in life I will use what I have learned from them in a good way. If I live by their views, other people will notice me and say that when it comes to my parents and I, I will never let them down.

Lizbeth: I think i meet most of my parents ideals, and have a lot more to live up to as I grow

5) Do they have a certain path for you or are they happy with what ever life you choose?

Matthew: They definitely have a certain path for me but am i choosing to follow it? I think not. I think that's what parenting basically is the parent trying to approve on their mistakes through their own kid.

Amber: My parents do have a certain path for me. Some of it has to do with our religion, and the other stuff has to do with what they want.

Lizbeth: I think I meet most of my parents ideals, and have a lot more to live up to as I grow.

6) Do you think your ever going to end up being your parent?

Matthew: I don't think it'd be terrible but i would hope my life would be different and not end up where they are at, not that where they are now is bad but I want to have children from a long long time from now and I think marriage is silly. I know few parents that are successful but know a lot more marriages that are unhappy. I think if you know you love each other why do you need marriage.

Amber: Yeah, I think I will end up taking my experiences being parented from my mom and dad and use them in some ways when I parent my own child. There will be somethings I might have to change, because as a child there are always things you think you wouldn't do with your own child if you were to be a parent.

Lizbeth: I will probably have similar ideals as them, but not the same, and I would use everything they have taught me as a foundation to raise my children.

What I liked about the interviews is that they to me seemed honest, and 2 out of 3 talked about religion being one of the things their parents taught them, and I can definitely connect because I also was brought up with idea of going to church on Sundays, basically a religious background. And each family had different values that were taught in their homes like work ethics, cultural background or religion. All them answered yes to my third question that they do let parent's influence some of their daily decisions but I believe at the end of the day one is who makes the final decision, influenced or not. None of them wanted to be mirror image of their parents spoke of how somehow they wanted to be different but at the same time somehow similar. No one wants to be exactly their mother or father but sometimes we do some things they did without realizing it or wnting to. We also remember everything we hated our parents would do and try to avoid it with own children. They also all had a certain path given to them by their parents but again one chooses whether to take it or go complete opposite way. In the end it was nice to hear about other kid's parents and the goals and ethics the parents have for their own kids. Because not every family is like mine, even if we sometimes forget this they are not.

SURVEY QUESTION:

Are you choosing to follow the path your parents have for you?

Hw # 55

Pt 1:

How does your family make who you are today?

Pt 2:

Larche,

I like your questions but maybe make both questions in one to have more specific research or paper on one of these matters and perhaps bring up how birth order of you and siblings affect each other to tie the two together. But overall I think this is an interesting topic and will bring up many issues and thoughts about sibling relationships and you could even provide evidence of your own life.

Juliette,

You have a really good start, your question is argumentative and I'm sure you will find a number of magazine articles or books about the reasons why men and women cheat. You could also talk about the ethics in our culture today versus maybe 20 or 30 years ago when dating and cheating are not what they are today. You could also give your own opinion and others on this with interviews or use experiences of real people to support your arguments.

I had a hard time starting this because didn't know what I wanted to talk about but after reading others and getting an idea of how and where to start, I chose a topic I found interesting and significant to me.

Pt 3:

Magana, Lynette. "Family - child relationships ." Provider - Parent Partnerships: Family - Child Relationships. N.p., 2006. Web. 17 May 2010. .

This article is for people who are in childcare telling them how they must deal with children and how to have a healthy relationship between them and the child. I thought it was interesting that it said if the child has a parent who is loving and sensitive tend to adjust better in school and childcare settings versus those who don't. It shows just how much your parents affect you and the way you adjust to other environments besides your own home. It also talks about how there are many different types of rlationships between parent and child which I found true, not one family is the same. It also talks about how if child has a strong and supportive family means they can have strong relationships with others too.

Vuchinich, Sam. "Conflict - Couple Relationships, Family Relationships, Parent - child relationships." Conflict. N.p., 2010. Web. 17 May 2010. <http://family.jrank.org/pages/314/Conflict-PARENT-CHILD-RELATIONSHIPS.html>

This article is hits a lot of points about relationships in families, and even has articles on couple relationships, parent - child relationships,etc. I will even go on to recomend this to others who talk about one of these relationships(Even has about siblings and rivalry!) This article talks about the parent - child relationship and conflicts that occur between them but also the strong and loving bonds they still have for each other. Talks about the negative and positives of these relationships, "Specifically, childhood conflict interactions can contribute positively to personal and social development." is a way parents affect one as th child.

McClure, Robin . "10 ways to strengthen families." Ways to strengthen the relationships. About.com, 2010. Web. 17 May 2010.

This article talks more about the relationship a parent - child should have giving a list of tips to partns to make this connection stronger. It just goes to show how important this relationship between parent and child is and how much parent must be "good" and provide child with nuture and care.

Zonnios, Evangelia. "Family Influence." Family Influence Teaching your children values through example from their parents Family Influence: Teaching your children values through example from their parents. Suite101.com, Feb,21,2007. Web. 17 May 2010.

This article shows how much influence a parent has over their child "Even babies learn through example. Their habits and characteristics are formed through what they regularly see and hear from their parents, brothers and sisters." It's more on a child's early childhood as a baby and how important these years of develpment are but I still think child's whole entir development is important even to middle - age parents are still parenting.

Hw # 54

My result: ESFP

Extroverted (E) 54.55% Introverted (I) 45.45% Sensing (S) 53.13% Intuitive (N) 46.88% Thinking (T) 50% Feeling (F) 50% Perceiving (P) 53.85% Judging (J) 46.15%

When I took this test many of the questions made me laugh and think how does this determine who I am and what career to choose. My results for the first letter were only a 5% off which I found to be true because I enjoy other people and don't feel exhausted after talking to others, but there are times when I just need some space and alone time to get all my thoughts together or just relax. I do agree with second letter because I am more about the present and reality but it doesn't mean i don't like to have my head in the clouds at times.

The third letter was exactly 50 50 but I had thought I'd be more thinking than feeling because I tend to over analyze things and use more of my thoughts than feelings to make decisions. And the careers it said I should be like massage therapist or travel agent are not by ideal jobs or jobs I had ever considered while the ones disfavored like artist or writer were more of what I'd like to do. So this test isn't 100% of who I am, and tomorrow I could decide to become more by the rules or to rely more on my emotions than my mind making it impossible for a test to determine who I am throughout the coarse of my life.

I think this test though would be helpful to understand a person but it can also create judgement of the person making it who they are when it isn't. In class I realized this test can be accurate but a person can change their preference making it no longer who they are. Also noticed when we tried to predict others letter we usually got it right, especially when we did it letter by letter. But we would question other's personality why are u so quiet and closed in? or why are you so loud and obnoxious. We think others are wrong but they are just different. This goes back to the survey we took we assume everyone is like us but in reality they aren't because then everyone would be the same. This is called projection, we try to judge others by what we are trying to do ourselves.

Hw # 53 - ALL 4 parts

Part 1: Took the survey

Part 2:

While taking this survey some of the questions did make me have to stop and think about the answer while others it only took a second to answer. Questions that i had to think more deeply were always about connections with others but the ones about previous experiences I answered more quickly because I had either already lived them or never did like love, drug use, etc. Thankfully I took survey at home but still has that thought in the back of your mind of what would someone else answer or say about your answer? Also noticed that the questions I stopped and thought longer about were things I really hadn't put much thought into before. I did try to answer ever question honestly but sometimes the questions needed more than just a yes, no or neutral answer. Which was reason why there were short - ended questions which I chose not to answer because felt like people in class might be able to recognize who wrote what.

Part 3 :

There were definitely some interesting scores for example there was a high rate of people who said that they have been in love which I had thought would be pretty low due to the fact most of us are 17 -18 and haven't experienced much of life much less love. Another thing I noticed was there was high rate of suicide which kind of scared me to think that someone nearby me has thought of killing themselves once. Which i thought no one would ever possibly think about because life is so worth living. But it just goes to show you how little I know about others and perhaps even myself. Anias also mentioned how many chose their friends over their own family and i remember answering this question quickly choosing my family. But now I realize for others maybe their friends are their family because their family might not be in the picture or as important to them. It makes you realize as well that everyone else is not like you, they have learn how to deal with their family, or the situations that come up in their life. " We all assume every one's family is like ours." - Yasmine. I thought it was nice that a lot people had a friend they knew would be their friend for the rest of their life. Another percentage i noticed was low was for the question i do stupid thing/ or things I don't like to for friends which i had expected to be high because I feel like everyone has done this once in their life maybe not stupid or life - threatening but have followed along with friends to be socially accepted and perhaps even become cool.

Part 4:

The professionally done survey gave background info on what they were proving. They then gave results on survey that was more specific k-just about teen sex and pregnancy unlike our which had many ideas going on family, friendship, love, ourselves etc. And because it was more specific it made it easier to connect many of the results like a low number of teens do not use birth control pills lead to the high percentage of teens getting pregnant. They also received a lot more data, even from every single borough, while in our quick survey only a few took it. Making our results a bit off and not as realistic. They also give list of ways to prevent all this (unprotected sex, pregnancies,etc.) while we just looked at results and thought deeply about what these results mean to us and our relationships. Our results also could've been off because like Jin said " we don't want to admit the truth." so we try to trick ourselves and lie to the survey making them not proof enough to make it a fact.

Hw #52

I like to think our theories on love, friendship and etc first come from our family, and especially our parents. But then we are exposed theories of our friends and even teachers. In the end we create a theory of our own but influenced by others or own experience. I also believe we get our ethics from our family like remember my mom telling me on the bus when I was younger to stand up if an elderly came on the bus. And I remember getting angry (im about 10) about the fact I have to give my seat up to someone else. As I got older though I began to understand the ethics my parents were teaching me, but like I said before there are many factor like friends and other family that influence us to do the things we do. There is the famous line treat others like you’d like to be treated, which for many is an ethic they were taught. For some though, it can just be easier to just let it go and have some humility.

Human motivation I believe comes from the fact we are trying to accomplish goals others and we have and having a impact on the world somehow. To leave an imprint so we are not forgotten when we pass away. To travel the world, to get a degree, to have a family are some of the accomplishments we have that motivate us to keep living to accomplish them.

My theory on friendship, is throughout our lives we gain friends from childhood, from school, when a teenager, adult and finally wise older person, making it that we have had many different friends depending on what we are living and experiencing and what we need/want of for a friend. But there are also friends for life, for example me and Amber were friends in Pre – k then lost touch but then met again in high school and it was like we were friends just yesterday not 10 yrs. I do distinguish my best friends from friends because I feel like my best friends have gone through the tough and happy times in my life and I’ve known them for a long while versus the friend I just talk to in class.

I also like drift away sometimes from usual friends to meet other people, to meet those outside my circle and create a connection with others out there. Friendships first begin with a connection of having things in common but then the differences I believe are what keep us together and make an interesting friendship. Because if not I’d probably get bored or sick of them after awhile if the reason “ why becoming friends is like loving a mirror.” – Andy. In friendship we also expect the other to be faithful and caring friend and not “ steal my BF or tell others my personal life, the usual drama, because then he/she isn’t really my friend. There is also friendship for ones benefits to get connections to go to baseball game or fashion show or to have around when don’t have anyone else. And in the working world this is recommended to get higher status and job. I remember my grand ma telling me once that my only real and true friend is God. And I think it is true but also think need friends that will physically not just emotionally help out.

Theory on love is that every single person has the same understanding of love and what we want of a lover but are always confused on what others want. Making a wall between people that doesn’t allow there to be love. Also people view different types of love, for example our parents if they are divorced, you wonder to yourself why do they not love each other no more? Making one think maybe love is but a played out theme in movies and not real versus the child living in a two parent family, they see it as unconditional love that parents might argue but in the end they work it out. There are many different situations of this but they all affect our view on love. Our friends impact our view on love too because you watch them go through relationships and the way they act, the way they treat their partner, and even ask for advice for your own relationships at times. But I believe no matter what whatever you do, you are the one who makes the final choice.

Gender can be difficult at times because usual thought on this is that females and males are two completely different species but aren’t we all human? There are always books helping guys understand the female brain or vice versa, are we really that different? Is this why it’s difficult to create friendships between males and females? I think it is possible to have a guy friend but at times there are things that come up between genders like he’d rather play sports and she wants to go shopping, or how lover can be your best guy friend making friendships between male and female end or become something else. There is also the view society has on women and men, men are supposed to bring the “bacon” home while women takes care of house and kids. Of course nowadays its can be different but this view is still there, which doesn’t make sense when there are more women attending college than men.

How do people live together? They blend and adapt to fit into their culture, neighborhood and many other settings in one’s life. Which goes back to months ago when we spoke of playing role and scripts in society to have an identity and receive affirmation of others.